after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
