Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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