I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
