Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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