it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
