I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
