Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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