Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
