Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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