Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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