'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
In America we eat man semen.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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