Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
