need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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