oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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