thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
