i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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