Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
