There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
