I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
