I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
