I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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