Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
