Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
