So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
