im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
