i think my tv is drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
