It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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