another moral hangover. fuck.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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