Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
