DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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