dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
