My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
