My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize