You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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