I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
