WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
