my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
