I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
