I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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