I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
