He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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