they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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