Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
