He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
