He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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