I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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