hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
