we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
