i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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