dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
