went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Randomize
