She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
