he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
