I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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