I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
