I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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