He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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