someone get that fucking seahorse.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
