3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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